Disillusioned
by akai-hana
Summary: A heartbroken man has come to realize his desperation after Tohru leaves. Can he pick up the pieces of his shattered heart. Please RxR!


Disclaimer. If you didn't know this already, I don't own any aspect of Fruits Basket. If you thought I did, you must be crazy. I'd really like reviews for this one because I'm not sure that I'm going to continue it yet.  
  
(Btw, represents the unknown character, which is the main character, tee hee)  
  
Disillusioned  
  
I had finally made my peace with the fact that she didn't know I existed. I was content to just watch her go about her daily business, watching silently but never participating. Then a hidden force of love sprung from the depths of my heart and I was completely taken off guard. I was impressed with the notion that, I may be human enough to love another being with my entire soul. But with this understanding I realized that while I could love, it didn't mean that that love would be reciprocated or that other people would allow me to love her.  
  
I mean look at me. I am hideous. I knew from the depths of my being that she deserved someone much better than me; for I couldn't even embrace her if she was upset. Never. No one could break this curse no matter how desperately I wanted to be free from the agony it caused me.  
  
And after this same realization, I began to curse my family, body and heart for making me realize what true love was and then slapping me with the reality of my situation.  
  
Yes, she accepted us but she did not understand it, and she did not understand us. More than anything, I wanted to save her from having to live with someone whom she would never fully comprehend. I was just not normal. My human exterior was merely a charade.  
  
No matter how much I tried, I could not forget about her. I wanted no one else, just her. The sad fact was that I would never have the guts to tell her, because I felt that it was so unfair to her. What's worse was that I knew how wrong this love of mine was yet I couldn't help myself. It was like a scab you knew you shouldn't pick but you do anyway. That scab had formed over my heart and I couldn't resist picking at it, making my heart bleed with every breath I took.  
  
During the time I realized my true feelings, I felt I couldn't control my eyes from watching her every move while she was in the vicinity. She never noticed me of course; she was slightly air-headed that way. But I liked that quality and it was definitely endearing.  
  
And then one cold day in January when the trees were heavy with snow, she left. And I did nothing to stop her.  
  
I simply watched her walk out the door into the cold. My body became helpless as I collapsed on the floor in complete agony. While I am not one to cry, I could not stop the tears as they spilled out by the thousands drenching my floorboards and forming a permanent puddle on the cold, sterile floor. I didn't think my river of tears nor that sad puddle would ever dry.  
  
Eventually it did.  
  
But it was my heart took the brunt of the blow. It became hard as a rock and twice as cold. In a million years it might turn to a diamond, but I had hardly the time to wait around for that.  
  
Of course, no one knew about this secret anguish. For I myself, I was ashamed of my behavior. Of course, I thought that once she left, I would no longer feel this way and I wouldn't have to explain this infatuation to anyone. I was very wrong. Do you know that old saying, 'absence makes the heart grow fonder? I found out that it is true indeed. I wanted to hurt whoever had said that and make them feel what I felt right now. But regardless of the fact that I desired her, I still refused to tell anyone, no matter how close he or she became. So I became more isolated than I had ever been before.  
  
I was convinced that my curse was the reason I never told her and the reason I couldn't let it go. And it was also the reason that kept me from having any normal relationships in my life, aside from my family. If I were an ordinary person, I would find someone else to live for. What was it about her that made me forget how cursed I truly was? I still didn't know.  
  
And then one day as I walked down a small alley in town, I was given a second chance. Luck was finally on my side.  
  
"Ah , I'm back! I'd hoped I would run into you today." she said, smiling happily. She had appeared from out of nowhere, an intensely bright light that breathed into my dreary existence.  
  
"So much has changed since I've been at school. You look well as always." Tohru said, still smiling.  
  
I stared at her in disbelief, wondering if it was really her or just a demon playing with my mind. I still said nothing because the words refused to come.  
  
She frowned, "Is everything alright? You're looking very pale. Do you have a fever?"  
  
I continued to stare at her, my body refused to believe it was she, no matter how much I wanted it to be true. For a full five seconds I watched her. The brightly colored leaves flittered around her head, dancing as if it were a celebration of her return.  
  
Her frown deepened, "You didn't forget about me did you, ? I know it's been 4 years but..."  
  
"Forget..." I finally managed to squeeze out. My voice sounded like a strangers'. "I can't believe you are here."  
  
Suddenly my hands began to move like they no longer belonged to me and I watched in fascination as they reached up to touch her face. A look of curiosity stared back at me.  
  
"What are you doing? She asked.  
  
I could not resist any more, my pulse quickened and I felt a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I wonder...  
  
Before I had finished my thought, my hands took over as they reached out in complete desperation. For 4 years, they had longed to touch any part of her. Her face, her knee, her little toe...any part.  
  
Before I knew it, my hands grabbed her thin shoulders and brought her closer. She said nothing but her eyes were wide in amazement. She also did not resist. I knew I had to do it or I would regret it for the rest of my life.  
  
Quickly, before my mind could hinder me, I bent down and placed a small kiss upon her lips. As I touched them, I felt the softness of them like I knew they were going to be. It felt like I had kissed a cloud. She truly was an angel, just as I had always believed.  
  
I slowly pulled away from her to judge her reaction.  
  
"I'm sorry Tohru, I don't know..."  
  
Before I could finish my sentence she rushed forward and gave me a kiss in return. It was an understatement to say that I was taken back as she pressed her lips to mine and touched the sides of my face. Finally realizing what was happening, I allowed myself to close my eyes and enjoy the spontaneity. To hell if this was wrong, I didn't care anymore. All that mattered was that I finally could do what I've been dying to express for so long.  
  
The kiss deepened further and little specks of light fluttered through the darkness of my closed eyes. Carefully aware not to press against her, I gently stuck my tongue in her mouth. I heard a giggle in response. For the next few moments, the kiss continued until my head felt light and fuzzy. The kiss was better than anything I had ever experienced before.  
  
Finally, we broke apart and stared at each other. A small tri-colored leaf had blown into her gleaming brown hair. I reached up to untangle it and as I drew closer, I made sure to get a smell of her.  
  
If you had smelled it you would have thought it smelt like sunshine, if sunshine had a smell. It was light and unbelievably clean and bright. Just like her.  
  
"I've wanted to tell you this for a long time Tohru," I said, suddenly finding my voice, "but I have been in love with you for so long."  
  
"I know," She said with a smile. "I finally decided that I would tell you my true feelings as well. I've always known you liked me, but I was too young to know my feelings until recently."  
  
"I'm glad you have returned." My heart skipped a beat as I fought off the urge to kiss her once again.  
  
"But before we say anything else I must tell you something." She suddenly exclaimed.  
  
Instantly, my stomach turned. I knew this was going to be bad. How bad, I didn't know.  
  
"While I was away, I got married." She said, very matter-of-factly.  
  
I'm sure my mouth was hanging open at this point.  
  
"What?! But, you just told me you loved me. I thought that meant..." I said as I watched her face darken, her bright smile now turning into a small smirk.  
  
"You thought that I'd be happy and carefree and tell you that we'd be together forever? Right,"  
  
"But..." I started to say but I couldn't find the words. So I blankly stared at her in confusion.  
  
She continued. "I told you I loved you because I wanted to see that anguish in your eyes when I broke your heart into little tiny pieces. I can't tell you how wonderful it feels to finally tell you how much I despise you. It really feels like a huge weight has been taken off my shoulders, so I guess I have to thank you for that. In reality, I despise you," she said with that same smirk, "You and all those other repulsive beings you call family." Sighing deeply, she continued, "How very sad. You must know, ever since I've met you, I've thought you were disgusting and vile. Your curse is hideous and I thought you should know that you are a very sad individual for being obsessed with me for so long. I mean I left for a reason. It was to get away from all you freaks"  
  
I stared at her in disbelief. Was this the same person as five minutes ago? She had kissed me and told me she loved me and now this...  
  
What the hell had happened? A mixture of feelings had overtaken my body, but for some reason anger was never there. I could never hate her, no matter what she said.  
  
"You are so cruel Tohru, you never were like this before."  
  
"It's funny how time changes people. I suggest you move on with your life." With this she chuckled and started walking in the opposite direction as me. Never looking back.  
  
I could say nothing more as she walked away. I didn't understand what had happened but I didn't want to be taunted anymore. From a small distance away, the chuckling began to echo. She had pierced my heart like no curse could ever do. It was like she had a thousand needles and proceeded to prick me, one by one.  
  
I was left to wonder the streets alone, my feet kicking up the leaves that drenched the sidewalks. Looking up from my feet, I watched the sun start to set and realized that that chuckle had still not left me 'Four years wasted...' I thought. I felt I would never be whole again.  
  
'Without her, I'm nothing. Before at least I had a dream, now I am completely alone. While the pain of loving her had been intense, this one was even more so. The tears welled up in my eyes. I felt like a complete fool.  
  
Up ahead of me was that bridge that surrounded the town.  
  
As I approached it I watched the water below me as it churned, mirroring the agony that I was now feeling.  
  
And I jumped off the bridge.  
  
The piercing cold wind whipped at my cheeks until they were raw. I closed my eyes and waited for the impact...feeling almost at peace.  
  
(heh) 


End file.
